Two California Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding
enforcement on I-15, just north of the Marine Corps Air Station at
Miramar. One of the officers was using a hand held radar device to check
speeding vehicles approaching the crest of a hill. The officers were
suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour.
The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and
then turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the treetops revealed that the radar
had in fact locked on to a USMC F/A-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low
flying exercise near the location.
Back at the CHIPs Headquarters the Patrol Captain fired off a complaint to the
USMC Base Commander.
The reply came back in true USMC style:
Thank you for your letter. We can now complete the file on this incident.
You may be interested to know that the tactical computer in the Hornet had
detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to,
your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to
it, which is why it shut down.
Furthermore, an Air-to-Ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had
also automatically locked on to your equipment location.
Fortunately, the Marine Pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for
what it was, quickly responded to the missile system alert status
and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was
launched to destroy the hostile radar position.
The pilot also suggests you cover your mouths when cussing at them, since
the video systems on these jets are very high tech. Sergeant Johnson, the
officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left rear
molar. It appears the filling is loose. Also, the snap is broken on his
holster.
Thank you for your concern.
Semper Fi
BIKER STORY Receives New
York Times Best
A biker is riding by the
zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the
lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to
slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents. The biker jumps off
his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a
powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain the lion jumps back letting go of
the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him
endlessly.
A New York Times reporter
has watched the whole event. The reporter addressing the biker says, "Sir,
this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
The biker replies, "Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I
just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
The reporter says, "Well,
I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the
New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this story
on the front page... So, what do you do for a living and what political
affiliation do you have?'"
The biker replies, "I'm a
U.S. Marine and a Republican."
The following morning the
biker buys
The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his
actions, and reads, on front page: *
U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS
AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH
An old
Italian man lived alone in New Jersey. He
wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult
work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to
help him, was in prison.
The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it look's like I
won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting
too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here, my
troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the
plot for me, like in the old days. Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the
bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie
At 4am the next morning, FBI agents and local police
arrived and dug up the entire area without
finding any bodies. They apologized to the old
man and left. That same day the old man
received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the
best I could do under the circumstances. Love you,
Vinnie
A father asked
his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you
won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech.
At seven, I got
the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech.
When I was
eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going
to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to
live for."
